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The Occasional String Band

Intelligent Design Lyrics

BTU Blues (Haworth)

My baby smiles and kisses me when she walks in the door

She's got a way about her puts my pheromones in a stir

Shrimp and Chardonnay for dinner fruit and ice cream then a bowl

She tidies up the kitchen and walks up to me real slow

I'd know that smile from half a mile

My blood changes its course

She licks her lips and curls her tongue

And her eyes take me by force

Turn the lights off let the dog out let the dog back in again

By the time I shave and brush my teeth my baby's all tucked in

Slip into bed beside her she's breathing soft and low

She moves right over to me and I can feel her soft warm glow

Then I get so excited

I just can't wait to perform

Thinking of all the fun we had

So many times before

But that magic smile is gone says she's weary to the bone

But now that you're here I can sleep

Thanks for keeping me warm

Dance Floor Behavior (Schennum)

The band keeps playing our favourite love songs and we’re dancin’

They’re using a karaoke machine so they can’t plat ehem wrong and we’re dancin’

I had about 12 shots of smooth Royal Crown, dancin’

And I’m having some concerns about it all staying down while we’re dancin’

With depraved abandon

Let’s leave real soon

We can take my car

We can go to your place

What do you say?

By the way

What is your name,

Anyway?

Let me tell you what I’m thinking let me tell you what I mean, dancin’

Gonna need some change for that Lifestyles machine, dancing

With depraved abandon

Let’s leave real soon

We can take my car

We can go to your place

What do you say?

By the way

What is your name,

Anyway?

Found my Libido (Schennum)

I was sitting in the basement- Surfing on the web

I clicked a pop-up message -This is what it said

Is your life when you are nekkid - As good as it can get?

We sell drugs, we sell devices - on the internet

Found my libido – Found my libido

Found my libido on the internet

On the internet - On the internet

I typed in my number – for my master card account

Gave authorization - for the entire amount

It was worth every penny – I even typed in a tip

Cause I found my libido – on the internet

Found my libido……

My right arm’s getting stronger – from the things I do at home

With so much libido – and so much time alone

I’m looking for a lover - whom I can always please

With my extra added inches - and my rock hard qualities

I may never be as neat-o – as Quentin Tarantino

But I found my libido on the internet

When You Come Back Down (Tim O’Brien, Danny O’Keefe, ASCAP)

You got to leave me now, you got to go alone

You got to chase a dream, one that’s all your own

Before it slips away

When you’re flyin’ high, take my heart along

I’ll be the harmony to every lonely song

That you’ll learn to play

When you’re soarin’ through the air

I’ll be your solid ground

Take every chance you dare

I’ll still be there when you come back down

When you come back down

I’ll keep looking up, awaiting your return

My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn

And I won’t feel your fire

I’ll be the other hand that always holds the line

Connectin’ in between your heart and mine

I’m strung out on that wire

I’ll be on the other end

To hear you when you call

Angel you were born to fly

If you get too high I’ll catch you when you fall

I’ll catch you when you fall

Your memory’s the sunshine every new day brings

I know the sky is calling

Angel let me help you with your wings

Take every chance you dare

I’ll still be there when you come back down

When you come back down

Maybe the Mountains (Haworth)

Tight little curls spilling down your neck
I follow the curve of your silhouette
As lovely a smile as I’ve seen in a long long time

Standing in front of the mirror tonight
Which one is wrong which one is right
You ask me what should I wear then make up your mind
You know whatever you choose suits me just fine

You had to let it all go
Come bock to the start Not let the hurt show
Trying to be happy together but feeling alone
Just looking for something more than you have on your own

You climb the mountain to share its soul
Searching for stories as yet untold
So you’ll spend a few hours and walk through the flowers of home
Maybe the mountains can tell you what you want to know

Intelligent Design (Schennum)

I gotta wear shoes or I’ll tear up my feet

Gotta wear clothes just to hold in the heat

I was not intelligently designed intelligently designed intelligently designed

Too many flaws to list at one time

From the fungus on my feet to the filth on my mind

If there was a designer I get my friends and go to his place

And break out his windows and damage his face

I’ve known a long time I wasn’t designed quite right

The playground was built beside the sewer pipe

Fresh Air (Haworth, Haworth)

Left me standing waiting at the curb

Then you deceived me again at church

You'd do anything to roll and fly

Mama caught you red-handed

It's my life you demanded

You'll do anything to roll and fly

You gotta go click in for the cowboy grind

Gettin better at the topside

Doin a shifty on the backside

Watch you don't drop in for the last time

Drove your daddy into a rage

Came this close to a slap in the face

You'd tell any lie to roll and fly

Doin the alley-oop soul glide

Got the lowrider fish brain 3 times

Burning up the quarter pipe

Wish I slept like you at night

Grandma came all this way

But you're bringing a friend and your skates

You'll do anything to roll and fly

Control Freak Frustrations (Schennum)

Been driving this car since I don’t know when

Don’t know where I’m goin’ don’t know where I’ve been

And the wheels aren’t connected to the drive train

The wheels aren’t connected to the drive train

The wheel’s not connected

I turn at the wheel feeling powerful inside

Like a child having fun at a carnival ride

But the wheel.....

My car’s got a mind of its own

But the wheel…..

The gas pedal doesn’t do a thing when you gun it

The same thing is true for the brake

The levers and the knobs on the dash are cosmetic

The controls look real but they’re fake

But the wheel….

Sometimes it goes the way it should go

Sometimes I feel so sure I’m in control

But the wheel.....

The Flip Side (Haworth)

I’m running the rat race with a new look on my face
So much of what’s new can be viewed as amusing today
Smelling the flowers exploiting the hours
Clearing the haze from my head and feeling the power
Yeah I never had this gleam in my eye
‘Til I got to the flip side

I’ve been on the right side I’ve been on the wrong side
I’ve been haulin myself outta bed by seven for a long time
I’ve been on the cool side laying around poolside
Now I smile and I walk right on by ain’t playin the fool this time
No I never had a smile quite so wide
‘Til I got to the flip side the flip side

You can play the A side but you been playin it so long
That the grooves are worn so deep and wide
And the highs are almost gone

Mean People (Schennum)

Trixie the lifeguard did her job good

She chirped on that whistle as loud as she could

When little kids broke some tiny little rule

She’d kick their little asses right out of the pool

Does it make you feel good when you yell at someone?

You get all red in the face when you put them in their place

Can you feel the adrenaline roar through your veins

Does authority make you a little insane?

Is it better than crack?

A rush like that?

Florence the airport security guard

Probes every passenger - She never gets tired

Checks every shoe, every bag, every purse

On a good day, a deep body cavity search

Does it make you feel good when you probe someone?

Mr. Jones works for the IRS

His first name is secret, don’t even try to guess

He loves to explain how the system is fair

Your problems are irrelevant - Just cough up your share

Does it make you feel good to tell someone that?

Here in the U.S.A (Haworth)

Cop pulls me over says I’m going too fast

Waves at the caddy that goes flyin’ past

Wants to know where I’m goin’ and where I’ve been at
Looks at my ashtray says what is that?

Now the Judge says that I’m goin’ to jail
They take my car put it up for sale
I’m a criminal for smoking pot
Rich guys that rip us off are not

My cellmate beats his wife and has no shame
Both our jail sentences are the same
The child molester gets out early
to make more room for potheads like me

Oh where’s the justice
oh where’s the reason
what’s happening to the freedom
Here in the U.S.A.

My drummer’s daughter spent a year in Iraq
George told her turn around you go right back
The war keeps George’s buddies in the black
They hide the coffins and they hide the facts

Here we choose just how we want to live
But Jesus loves a conservative
Their bible tells us that we have free will
But choose our values or you’ll go to hell

Alan’s Song (Schennum)

There’ve been some changes at the company

That affected Alan’s normal state of being

They’re testing folks at work - and he could lose his perks

If evidence of reefer can be seen

Now Alan can’t smoke reefer anymore

No Alan can’t smoke reefer any more

No Alan can’t smoke reefer, cuz he’ll activate a beeper

When they test his body fluids at the door

I met Alan many years ago

I’ve been around him, this is what I know

He never lies around the room like a decompressed balloon

Like government ads on TV always show

Alan can’t smoke reefer anymore

Unless he finds a good physician to write him a prescription

Alan can’t smoke reefer anymore

I guess it bugged the wrong republicans

But all his life it never bothered him

For over 50 years, he’s smoked it without fears

Of bureaucratic needles in his skin

What normal person ever would believe

That someone has an interest in their pee?

Senator Bob, you sure did a fine job

Of pushing through this social policy

Now Alan can’t smoke reefer anymore

No Alan can’t smoke reefer any more

No Alan can’t smoke reefer, cuz he’ll activate a beeper

When they test his body fluids at the door

Alan can’t smoke reefer anymore

Although alcohol is cheaper, it’s not the same as reefer

Alan can’t smoke reefer anymore

Rush Hour (Schennum)

Slow movin' car in front of mine

The driver sure seems to be wastin' time

Grey wisps of hair beneath his hat

A couple of dents around the sides and back

These streets look different when I drive slow

They blur when I go too fast

Ten cars behind me all in a line

The wait for a chance to go past

In the left hand lane it's rush hour time

Weavin' between the white and yellow line

Turn signals and brake lights flash it's in low gear

It's hard to tell but he just might turn here

He don't care when the mad ones pass

Hands on the horn and their feet on the gas

Sometimes he smiles, sometimes he winks

He doesn’t care what other drivers think

Hamilton Freeway (Schennum)

I got flipped off on the Hamilton Freeway

Just because I stopped when the light turned red

The car from behind passed by on my right side

Wheels on the sidewalk ~ Here’s what I wish I would’ve said

Shit for brains ~ You wear a size one hat

It’s still a loose fit ~ You probably know about that

Does your mama know ~ What you’re doin to

Her Subaru ~ Her Subaru

I hardly ever see cops on the Hamilton Freeway

Except when they’re parked at the donut shop

They never look outside when they’re all on break

You could go 95 ~ And you won’t get caught

I don’t know why this freeway goes

Through so many school zones

And all those speed zone signs

Are nothing but a waste of time

And all those crosswalk lines

Only serve to waste my time

I’d like to see sod on the Hamilton Freeway

Put the green grass in and dig the asphalt out

Detour signs say Division or Greene Street

Make those Road Rage Weasels take some other route

Since You’ve Been Gone (Schennum)

Since you’ve been gone I lost my incentive to drink alcohol

Since you’ve been gone I stopped banging my head against the wall

Feeling no pain at all Since you’ve been gone

Since you’ve been gone I lost my desire to hang myself

Since you’ve been gone I’ve greatly improved my health

I’m no longer in a trap Since you’ve been gone

Since you’ve been gone Since you’ve been gone

I really felt inspired because the way my brain is wired

I had to write a song about how great I get along

Since you’ve been gone

Since you’ve been gone - I stopped asking myself what I was thinking

‘Cuz I don’t care - I finally found a way to fly

Far far away from you - Since you’ve been gone

Since you’ve been gone

No more stress and no more grief - All I’m feeling is relief

I took back the words I said about the bullet in my head

Since you’ve been gone

I don’t climb on top of buildings way up high above the ground

And jump and yell and scream until the police talk me down

Since you’ve been gone

I Can’t Read Your Mind (Schennum)

Talking with your eyes – and your eyebrows too

Then your words emerge – And I just get confused

I’ve got a simple mind – simple as can be

Telepathic clues – are usually lost on me

So please – please get real

Mean what you say – say what you feel

And don’t expect for me to guess

Based on what you said

What you really meant

‘Cuz I can’t read your mind - No I can’t read your mind

If I could I’m not sure what I would find

I can’t read your mind - I can’t read your mind

If I could it would be a waste of time

You’re speaking cryptically - And you talk in tongues

It’s meaningless to me - I think you’re out to lunch

Out to lunch - you’ve been there all day

Out to lunch at an “all you can eat” buffet

I Don't Want No Woman (Robey, BMI)

I don't want no woman

Tellin me what to do

I don't want no woman

Tellin me what to do

Well I'm grown now darling

Just as grown as you

I don't want no woman

Tellin me this and that

I don't want no woman

Tellin me this and that

Well it makes me mad

And I don't go for that

You drink your whiskey

I'll drink my wine

You tend to your business

And I'll tend to mine

I don't want no woman

Tellin me how to live my life

I'm gonna leave you darling

I don't want no wife

Used to boss your men

That I can't deny

Before I'll let me boss me

I'll lay down and die

I don't want no woman

Tellin me how to live my life

Gonna leave you darling

I don't want no wife

More Than Half an Hour (Schennum, with apologies to Robert Burns)

May all your children be begat by someone you can stand!

For more than half an hour or so - for more than half an hour

May all your love relations last - for more than half an hour.

Personnel on Intelligent Design

Steve Schennum: Guitar, Vocals, Mandolin, Bass, Harmonica

Geoff Haworth: Bass, Vocals, Guitar

Tom Stembridge: Drums, Percussion, Vocals

Larry Weiser: Saxophone

Louise Butler: Cello, French

Bruce Ainslee: Banjo

Phil Kleinman: Dobro

Tom Tupper: Didgeridoo

Todd Lifka: Calliope

Linda Parman: Pennywhistle

Alan Fisher: Vocals

Megan Beech: Vocals

Go Baaaaack